A reader from
Dubuque, Iowa, recently wrote her local paper complaining about what
she called my “spare the rod, spoil the child” philosophy. I know that
this perception of me—that I advocate spanking—is not uncommon, so I’m
going to try to clear this up, once and for all.
I do not advocate
spanking. I never have, and never will. The misunderstanding grows out
of the unfortunate tendency on the part of many people to think that if
you are not specifically against something, then you must be in favor
of it. The more controversial the topic, as is the case with spanking,
the more likely a misunderstanding of this sort becomes.
I do not "believe"
in spanking. However, I do not find, upon examining the research,
compelling reason to believe that spankings, occasionally delivered by
a parent who is obviously loving and whom the child trusts, are
harmful. Some researchers (e.g., Murray Straus at the Family Research
Institute, University of New Hampshire) claim to have found harm. There
is good reason to believe that those research studies are tainted by
ideological bias. When research into spanking is done by persons
without such bias (e.g., Robert Larzelere, Director of Research, Boys’
Town, Nebraska; Professor Diana Baumrind, University of California), no
harm is found.
Most spankings,
unfortunately, qualify as "stupid" in that even though not necessarily
harmful, they accomplish absolutely nothing. This is attested to by the
significant number of parents who report that they spank over and over
again for the same misbehaviors. They obviously don’t get it.
There is no
compelling evidence to suggest that spankings cause children to believe
that hitting is an acceptable way of dealing with frustration or
conflict. The most aggressive children, researchers have found, tend to
be those who are never spanked (which does not, in and of itself,
justify spanking). I do not believe the government should step any
further into the area of parent discipline than it already has. A
government ban on spanking will open the door to further government
interference in the parent-child relationship, and I view this as
potentially harmful to our democracy. Furthermore, Robert Larzelere's
follow-up study of the effect of the Swedish ban on parental spanking
found an increase in child abuse after ten years. I believe our child
abuse laws are sufficient to address parents who go "overboard" when
spanking. I believe those laws should be enforced dispassionately,
without regard for socioeconomic status, race, religious background, or
personal background.
Certain biblical
fundamentalists believe that God commands parents to spank. Although no
expert, I am a student of Scripture. I have studied enough to come to
the conclusion that the biblical term “the rod,” as used in the context
of the discipline of children, does not refer to spankings with
tangible objects, or even spanking at all. It refers to discipline that
is righteous, that steers a child toward virtue. That does not
eliminate the option of spanking, but neither does it prescribe it.
I believe that
spanking is a reasonable option in certain situations, with certain
children. The research indicates that spanking is most effective
between ages 2 and 6, and is most effective when paired with another
consequence, such as removal of privilege. It should go without saying
that the more a parent spanks his or her child, the less effective any
given spanking will be.
It is my intention
to educate parents to the fact that effective discipline is not
conveyed by methods, whether spanking or otherwise, but through
effective communication of instructions and expectations.
Unfortunately, most parents who spank have failed to do just that.
