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Why Is Demi Lovato Such a Mess and Why Do I Have To Know?

January 14, 2021

Why is Demi Lovato such a mess and why do I have to know? In the last year, the media has informed me that she is bipolar, has suffered from depression, and once had an eating disorder. Ms. Lovato was famous in her teens and a multi-millionaire before she was twenty-one. She is now twenty-eight.

I love standing in the checkout line at grocery stores. Where else can one catch up on what’s really important? George and Amal are getting divorced for the twentieth time, Harry’s been unfaithful to Meghan, one of the Kardashians tried to kill herself last week, Brad is in a love triangle with his makeup artist and her boyfriend, who’s in prison for trying to poison his mother, who recently came out as a man who believes he’s actually a porpoise. The longer the wait, the better my mood.

I love every bit of it. I do, however, yearn for the days when Elvis sightings were commonplace; when he was able to be in Seattle, Little Rock, and Ranlo, North Carolina in one twenty-four-hour period. By the way, the license plate on my F-250 reads IMLVIS. I’m just trying to throw the paparazzi off his trail. It’s working. Ask yourself, “When is the last time I saw a current photo of Elvis on the cover of the National Enquirer?” See what I mean?

Once upon a time, celebrities had scandals but no soap operas. Today’s celebrities have soap operas but no scandals. Why is that? Nothing rises to the level of scandal these days because we’ve topped out on scandal. When a formerly male Olympic champion publicly claims to be a woman, is celebrated as “courageous” and awarded medals for giving five-year-old boys permission to be who they really are, what is a scandal?

Back to Ms. Lovato. My question: Who cares about her miserable life? Apparently, lots of people! Her miseries sell a gobsmacking number of tell-all magazines. Personally, I think the truly miserable people among us can be identified by their insatiable lust for said magazines. After all, what is more comforting than knowing that the rich and famous have more problems than you? Compared to Demi Lovato, who is a multi-millionairess, your problems are small potatoes. Stop whining and figure out how you’re going to feed your kids tonight. Demi could have an eating disorder relapse at any moment, for Pete’s sake!

Have you figured out that eating disorders are a luxury exclusive to people who have never had to worry about where their next meals are coming from? When is the last time you heard of a homeless person with an eating disorder? Ever stopped to think how many people in the Central African Republic, the poorest country on the planet, have eating disorders? Right! Poor people can’t afford eating disorders, which proves that eating disorders are caused by a surplus of money. Is it any wonder, then, that Demi Lovato’s net worth is estimated at $40 million?


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